And I don't mean the Super Bowl or Super (Fat) Tuesday (or "Mardi Gras et Super!" for the Francophones among us). It's the Other Big Day, when St. Valentine was shot by arrows for his faith, and everyone for centuries after got him confused with one of Cupid's targets. (I still don't understand the connection; when I'm done with this column, I think a Google search is in order.)

So two novels about lyrical and tragically beautiful love stories (which, I suspect, you may not have read) and two books which will coach you on being in a relationship.

Ten Thousand Lovers by Edeet Ravel (Harper Perennial 0-06-056562-4, $12.95) is definitely one of my top ten of the last five years working at Olsson’s. I love it because of the author's linguistic dexterity, and her sensitive and personal approach to a complex and intractable political and social reality. It takes place in Israel and Palestine, and she explores the cultural context of this tragically fated land not only through an unexpected love affair between an Israeli army interrogator and a leftist Canadian exchange student, but also through her narrator's interested curiosity in the intricate similarities and subtle differences between Levantine Arabic and Modern Israeli Hebrew.

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (Harcourt 0-15-602943-X, $14.00) is another star-crossed love story that is brilliantly conceived. First, Ms. Niffenegger outdoes Kurt Vonnegut in her ability to deal believably with a subject who suffers from chronological displacement; he suffers seizures which send him spinning forward and backward through time. The result is that he meets his wife for the first time when they are both in their twenties, but she has known him for years, having met him first when he was in his forties and she was a young girl. How they deal with this complex reality in their relationship is suspenseful and a beautiful example of two people who care deeply for each other.

In Why Do I Love These People?: Understanding, Surviving, and Creating Your Own Family (Random House 0-8129-7242-2, $14.95), Po Bronson found a number of people who were willing to talk with him over the course of several interviews that spanned a year or more, charting their past and present relationships, some constructive and some destructive. The honesty and openness with which the participants approached the project speaks well for Mr. Bronson’s interview style, as does his ability to allow their voices to dictate how he narrates their lives, to the point that it seems that each chapter is a short story written by a different author.

The book does not presume that all relationships can be healed with examination, reflection, or even therapy; indeed, some participants recognized that they were better off leaving the relationship in the past. Instead, the commonality is that relationships of any sort – with parents, spouses or partners, peers, and children – take time, energy, and effort, with the potential for great rewards and the possibility – no, probability - of great difficulties. However, all of the life stories included have poignancy and immediacy; and you feel at the end that you have been offered a wonderfully generous glimpse into the lives of these men and women. There is a shift in the middle, in which Mr. Bronson takes this experience as interviewer and turns his attention to his own personal life journey through his relationships is telling for how provocative the experience reading can be. This is a great follow-up to my recommendations from last week The Glass Castle and Eat, Pray, Love, and would also appeal to readers who valued The Color of Water by James McBride.

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (Northfield Publishing 1881273156, $13.99) Spoiler alert! (Spoiler alerts have become so fashionable I thought I'd use one.) This is a Christian book. Oh, I guess that's more of a caveat emptor, than a spoiler, so I guess I used it incorrectly. But be aware that this does have religious overtones... however, or in addition to this, based on your proclivities, it does provide an interesting formula for understanding what each person brings to relationships. Did you know that everyone doesn't express affection or expect expressions of affection in the same way? Right, perhaps that's obvious. But did know that what a person expects from a partner and what they offer their partner maybe entirely different? This book helps to determine what you most enjoy in terms of affirmations and what you are most inclined to offer as signs of your affections.

Do you like receiving flowers or jewelery or a new socket wrench set? You value Gifts as a sign that someone appreciates you.

Do you like someone telling what was great about your recent blog or how deliciously you cooked that meal or how skillfully you used your socket wrench set? Words of Affirmation are important to you.

And if you prefer that someone fix your broken patio furniture or install your new car radio or cook you that delicious meal, than Acts of Service are you what you like to receive.

If you like holding hands, or playing footsy or... Then you don't have a dirty mind, you just need Physical Touch to communicate affection.

Do you prefer a quiet walk on the beach or a heartfelt conversation, or an outing to the latest horror flic (so bad it's good) or the Super Bowl? Quality Time is your bag (perception and quality of quality times may vary according to user.)

While all of these languages of affection are important in any relationship, each person will likely find that they prefer one item that exceptionally speaks to their desires and needs, and a different one that they like to use to demonstrate the value they place in another person. And figuring this out will help enhance unspoken communication with the person or people in your family and your life.

And the rest, dear readers, is up to you.

Andrew

Okay it’s not new, but I just have to get back in gear with the New Year, and what better way than to look at books that face crises and new beginnings head on, without (many) backwards glances, trying not to harbor bitterness or guilt, instead nurturing and maintaining a fresh and positive look at life. Why not? It could do us all good!

I myself have been facing a few crises and new starts recently as I switched from the Airport Olsson’s to the much larger Old Town-Alexandria store in the midst of the Christmas season. Quite a challenge! Hosting my parents in the midst of this; and in addition, I have also been seeking a new apartment, deciding which new apartment to take, and then moving and setting it up. As if Christmas in the retail world isn’t overwhelming enough! And then to top it off, last week I had a bicycle accident, which threw my schedule off a tad, not to mention make my mug uglier then usual. So while the desire has always been there to write, the stillness of spirit hasn’t been complicit. SOOO... let’s just take a few old favorites and a new discovery.

For the serious literati among you, I have to preface these choices by saying that they have little great historical value or political significance, but they are literate, thoughtfully expressive, and introspectively personal accounts, which has a great deal of merit in my book.

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls is my book club’s current pick. I know many of you have discovered this one long ago, but for those who haven’t , it’s absolutely worth picking up. One of the better memoirs of the last several years, it begins with the adult Jeanette confronting her parents in New York City, her embarrassment at their dumpster diving and their utter inability to see anything wrong with their salvaging successes. She then takes the reader back to her childhood with two free-spirited, creative, and highly intelligent parents who simply can’t hold down regular work, as they meander across the country from town to town, then do the "skedaddle" when the debts mount up and the money is short. Eventually they return to her father’s home town, where as a teenager she struggles to keep her family on track until she and her younger siblings can "get out". She tells her family’s story with pride and wistfulness. Although her life was difficult, she focuses on the cherished moments and doesn’t reproach her parents for who they were. Although they ultimately failed her as providers, she knows they cared for her deeply and gave her a fierce belief in herself, her abilities, and her capacity to dream.

Eat, Pray, Love by Liz Gilbert has also been making the book club rounds, as well as being touted by Oprah. So, while some may respond to this populist enthusiasm by proclaiming, "Proceed with caution." I assert that Oprah is making some bold steps forward by (mostly) sharing insightful and well-written books with her audience, broadening their horizons with choices that they (and frankly many who are not her regular viewers) would not otherwise consider. Case in point for me (a man) who wouldn’t usually choose to read a woman’s hedonistic, spiritual, and romantically introspective journey, but nonetheless found it compelling, and a story I could relate to.

Again, for those who don’t know, it starts with a woman who finds herself in a marriage that she no longer wants; then in a string of relationships which are not right for her either. She decides perhaps the United States aren’t right either, so she goes to Italy to eat (and learn Italian), to India to pray (or more explicitly, meditate) at an ashram, and has some humbling yet instructive moments, especially under the tutelage of Richard (from Texas), and then on to Bali for vacation (which is where she finds some romance, which is also perhaps love). But really you need Liz to explain it all to you. She is an experienced biographer (The Last American Man), novelist (Stern Men), and short story writer (Pilgrims); and she brings all of this practiced gift for prose writing to her own year of exploration with a sense of humor, honesty, and ultimately humility. Don’t miss it, (even if you’re a guy).

-Andrew